Working Late-é

So last night, I was working late.  Really late.  At 10:15pm I decided it was time for the vending machine dinner of champions:  Baby Ruth, bag of chips, Diet Dr. Pepper.

Go up to deserted and slightly scary 7th floor.  The TV is still on in our vending area (we're setting a great example here at EPA), which sort of adds this eerie asian-horror movie backdrop.  I have no bills, but tons of change I'm dying to get rid of.  I greet the vending machine, only to discover that Obama has indeed ushered in communism:  all of the items are now $1.  Instead of the 3 pack of Zingers costing $1.50, the chips costing $.80 and the Baby Ruth $.85, I'm now looking at the EPA Dollar Menu.  And no Baby Ruth.  $1 for a Snickers?!

Hmm.  Okay, it's fine, I have $2 in change.  I'll skip the pop, which I don't really need with all the sugar I'm about to consume.  

Insert quarter.  Quarter is rejected.  Insert another quarter.  Same thing.  Son of a -!!!  Okay, okay, I've got a bunch of dimes and quarters here that I only have to fish out of the little folds holding my credit cards... Okay.  Try again.  Dime - good.  Dime - good.  Dime- good.  Dime - good.  Dime - good.  Nickel - silence.   Grrrrrrr.  Nickel - silence.  F*&!  I hit the change return button and get - 2 quarters and 2 nickels!  Well, fine, surely it'll take its 2 quarters back. ..

Wrong.

MF!!  (tummy growls)  More fishing.   Dime - good.  Dime - good.  Dime - good.  Dime - good.  Nickel - silence.  Quarter - silence.  CURSED MACHINE!!!  I glare at the happy "We take Dollar Coins!" sticker and think:  who has those flipping things anyway?!  Hit change return:  more quarters.  Well, at least I've converted all my dimes to quarters.

Collect self, exit hallway, take elevator down to 1st floor.  It is now 10:30pm and the neighborhood is tumbleweed city.  But I figure CVS will be open for snacking.  I trudge over and the lights are on...but no one is home.  Starbucks doesn't even have the lights on.  I look around wondering what on earth I will eat, when suddenly I remember that the owner of key real estate up the block is Mickey D's, so I pick up the pace and make around the corner to find that familiar warm golden glow from the arches.

I step inside and think, you know - this is great!  And who thought I'd ever be PSYCHED to go to McDonald's after all my Omnivore's Dilemma/Fast Food Nation proselytizing?  But i'm starting to drool a little as I wait for the 4 brazilian guys straight from the airport (if the suitcases are any indication) to place their orders and step away so I can get a word in.  Which they do about 10 minutes later.  

Now on those rare occasions when I still eat McDonald's, I always get a Happy Meal.  It is, I find, the perfect amount of McDonald's and I don't have to feel guilty about the calorie/fat content, plus I get a toy!  (Which I enjoy for 5 minutes and usually end up throwing away, feeling guilty about the waste and all the effort some poor Chinese soul put into making this totally useless item that must totally make them confused.)  But right now, my stomach is really pissed off and has no interest in some tiny little cheesebun with a teeny patty on it.  So I decide to upgrade.  I can't decide what a McDouble is, and the girl at the register is too interested with flirting with the brazilians to really bother explaining it to me.  I mean, it's only $1, and the Quarter Pounder is $3.29, and conceptually I'm guessing they're the same thing more or less, but then I decide for crying out loud, I can spring for the extra $2.29 to get that Jetson's like quality and consistency that McDonald's is all about.  Press the button, out comes the thing pictured on the board.  So I get the Quarter Pounder with Cheese (is there any other way?), small fries, and the new caramel shake.  

I get the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, small fries, and the caramel shake.

Quarter Pounder, small fry...

I'd Like. The. Quarter. Pounder. With. Cheese. Small. Fries and hey - hey - I know they're cute, but could you PLEASE LISTEN TO ME for just a second so I can get some food and then you can flirt away?!  

$7.39 later, I get my goods and head out the door.  Suddenly, I am surrounded by a mob of people getting out of Rent, playing at the Warner Theater.  I forge ahead through the tide of people and get back to my office.  So weird.  It's gone from a ghost town to a mob scene.  Arrive at the office and tear into the bag.  Fries are less than hot.  Quarter Pounder has, weirdly, WAY too much mustard on it.  That is a new one, and unpleasant.

But the new caramel shake from McCafé?  I have just gone from working late, to working late-é.

Dinner, at 10:55pm.  Only 2.5 hours to go...